Unicorn fibers and the best and worst of humanity

I went to Florida last week.  Took my kids and we stayed with my parents.  In 8 days we went to 5 theme parks (6 if you count Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure as 2 parks), Downtown Disney, and an airboat ride.  According to my Fitbit, we walked somewhere between 10000 and 20000 steps every day.  And my feet felt every single step by the end of the day.  Fun, but exhausting.

Disney is such an interesting experience.  You see both the best and the worst of humanity at a Disney park.  Just the parks themselves are amazing — how they transport you to a different world.  All of this exists because of a man, who in fact died relatively young.  You see great things at Disney — people being kind and considerate to their fellow humans.  Kids meeting heros, adults remembering what it’s like to be a kid.  One person gave me a rain poncho as the kids and I boarded a raft ride that was bound to get us soaked.  And you see things that make you shake your head.  People who don’t care whether they take you out with their stroller.  People pushing you aside because THEY NEED TO GET ON THE RIDE FIRST AT ALL COSTS.  It’s pretty nutty.


The most magical place on earth. The crane in the background detracts a little from the magic, but hey, you can’t have everything.


So in addition to walking 47 miles or about 75 km and over 108,000 steps, I bought a pair of jeans.  This is really big news for me, because generally, I cannot find jeans that fit me properly.  If they fit in the waist, they are huge in the hips and butt.  If they fit in the hips and butt, they are not ever going to button up in the waist, no matter what kind of magic I try.  If I get a pair that approximately fits, they generally either fall down and I have to hike them up repeatedly (belt or no belt), a la Chris Farley when he was that motivational speaker living in a van down by the river.  Or I get a pair of those “comfort fit” ones that have no fly or zipper and and super stretchy, in which case I am dealing with them constantly rolling down.  Oh, and don’t get me started on this whole skinny jeans thing.  Skinny jeans are just a big nope for me.  My kingdom for a pair of flare leg jeans.  Dear 70s, where did you go?  Or failing flare leg, at least boot cut.  Please, please, please.  For once in my life, let me get what I want. Lord knows it would be the first time (with an appropriate nod to Morrissey).

Hope springs eternal, so I continue to try on jeans, because hey, maybe I’ll find a pair that works.  And my some miracle of unicorns, rainbows and glitter, I actually found a pair of jeans that fit.  They do up in the waist without constricting. Without need of lying down and using a coat hanger to pry up the zipper.  And when I walk or sit or stand, they stay put.  The waist does not roll down.  They do not fall off.  They are not huge in the hips or ass.  They don’t seem to lose their shape when I wear them.  They are a stylish colour.  They don’t look like mom jeans.  And — wait for it — they are flare leg!!  I’m not sure how many unicorns needed to be shaved to get the fiber to make these magical jeans, but I give my sincere thanks to those unicorns and unicorn shavers for providing me with the first pair of truly wearable jeans I’ve had since … I dunno when.  I’m sure it’s been at least 25 years.  Probably more.

And for that alone, the trip was worthwhile.

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