I’m not really even sure what that is

I’m going camping tomorrow.  Right now, it is pouring rain.  The sky just opened up.  Also, I’m playing volleyball tonight.  On the beach.  We play rain or shine.  So hoping for things to clear up in the next 85 minutes.

Since I will be camping this weekend, I will not be blogging.  So I might try to knock off a few today.  Although I also have volleyball, and need to get groceries for camping and make some food in advance.  So maybe just this one blog.  Almost certainly just this one.  Who am I kidding?

August Writing Prompt #19.  Tell me about your fashion icons.

Umm.  What?

I’m not sure I actually know what that is.  I asked The Google (I say The Google all the time because it bugs my kids) and it gave me pictures of people I’ve mostly never heard of.  And also Lady Gaga.  I guess a fashion icon is somebody I admire for their fashion sense?  Someone whose style I would like to emulate?

Honestly, I’ve never given it much thought.  I might see someone and like what they’re wearing or whatever, but fashion icons?  Meh.

Then I thought I could maybe find a fashion icon or two.  So I asked The Google about plus sized fashion icons.  It gave me a whole shitwhack of pictures of plus sized women looking awesome.  And also this crap, where I see normal sized women who are considered plus size a models for some reason because society is totally screwed up.

Anyway, there were a lot of great looking women in The Google’s suggestions.  But none that would be icons for me.  Because as much as they are plus size, none of them look like me.  They are all plus size hour glass, or plus size pear shaped women.  All of these women appear to just be thicker versions of average size women.  ALL OF THEM.  They don’t seem to have back fat or arm rolls or 11 month pregnant looking bellies.  They have actual waists.  Maybe their waists are bigger than average, but they are decidedly smaller than their hips.  I am an apple.  Or a plum, or maybe an upside down mango.  Whatever fruit has a bust the same size as it’s belly and much smaller hips and legs, that’s what shape my body is.  None of these women can be my fashion icons because I CAN’T BUY PANTS and most of them are wearing pants.

I guess I feel more strongly about this subject than I thought.  Ahem.

So, maybe I need to become my own damn fashion icon.  Maybe I need to go out in search of clothes and looks that will suit upside down mangos everywhere.  This would require trying on lots and lots of clothes and finding out that most of them don’t fit.  It would probably also require finding an excellent tailor and putting aside money to get clothes altered.  I’m just not sure I have the mental energy for it.  I find clothes shopping mostly frustrating because, like I said before, I CAN’T BUY PANTS.  And I desperately want a pair of jeans that doesn’t sit right at the top of my pubes, causing me to need to wear almost knee length shirts to cover my stomach while I continually hike up my pants and wonder if my ass crack is showing like some crazy plumber.  At least it wouldn’t be hairy.  Yes, I can get elastic waist pants like leggings, cause regular elastic waist pants are for non-stylish 80 year old grandmothers, but in order for them to not roll down, I have to hike them up to underneath my boobs, thereby also needing almost knee length shirts to cover up both the fact that a) my pants are up around my boobs a la Urkel (if he had boobs — he grew up to be pretty cute as it turns out) and b) also to hide the huge belly that the usually tight leggings accentuate.

I’m guessing that some of you who are reading what is at least my second tirade on how I can’t get pants because of my big ass belly are probably thinking “Shut up about it and lose some weight then,” because I might be thinking that too.  And I have.  Lost weight I mean.  The same problem persists.  Because while I lose weight all over, proportionally, I lose more weight in my hips than I do in my waist or bust.  When I was 85 pounds lighter had size 8 hips, I still couldn’t get pants to fit, because I had a size 16 waist.  It’s awesome!

That is my particular cross to bear I guess.  The good news is that I’m off work next week, so I will take a day to do the rounds of a few stores and attempt to become my own damn fashion icon.  I figure on investing heavily in leggings and jeggings and long flowy shirts and sweaters.  I’ll report back.  Maybe even with pictures.

This is what the sky looks like right now.  Volleyball starts in 50 minutes.  Hey, coincidentally, this is also what my fashion icons look like!

cloudysky

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