A different life

Going to my ex-husband’s place for dinner tonight.  His partner is cooking a birthday dinner for my daughter.  She hasn’t had a cake yet, so I offered to make a cake for her and bring in over.

After I put the cake in the oven I realized that I didn’t have enough icing sugar to make the glaze that goes on it.  It’s a holiday so no stores open, except convenience stores.  Funny how much we rely on everything being open all the time.  Anyway, the convenience store had icing sugar so I’m all set for the cake.

When I was over there, I thought how interesting it is how much the neighbourhood I live in changes in just a few blocks.  My street is full of big houses on big lots.  The houses were built in the 60s so there are mature trees and the people who live here tend to have enough money to look after their properties.

The store I went to is a few blocks away from my house.  Across the street there is a complex of townhouses, mainly rentals I think.  They look run down and in need of repair.  There’s a small apartment building there too, same sort of condition — a bit run down.  Nothing terribly serious — just completely different from the houses a 5 minute walk away.

It made me wonder what it would be like to have a different life.  Where would I be if I didn’t have the upbringing I had, or if I’d made different choices along the way?  What if I’d never met my ex-husband or had kids?  What if I’d gotten that scholarship in the US that I was a finalist for?  Or gone to a different university?  Or taken the government job instead of the high tech one?  What would my life be like if I’d gone left instead of right in any of the dozen times I had to make a choice.  How would I feel if I were living alone, with no kids?

I read a book once where a group of women who had been friends for many years were offered an opportunity to change a decision they’d made in the past and see what would have happened had they made that decision.  They got to live that way for a certain period of time, after which they could make the choice to stick with their current life, or remain on the path they hadn’t originally chosen, in which case they’d have no memory of the life they’d actually led.  It was an interesting book.  I can’t remember the title or the author.

Today I would really like to continue to be inspired.  I feel like there’s something prickling at the edge of my consciousness — like when you’re trying to place a name to face that you recognize and you know it’s there somewhere but you just can’t unearth it.  That’s how I’m feeling, like there’s a big realization, an “ah-ha” moment, an amazing message from the big giant head just waiting for me to wake up and hear it.  So I’d really like to be open enough to hear whatever it is that’s waiting in the wings.  That, and I’d really like to enjoy the wine my boyfriend drove to the next province to get 🙂

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