With a shout out to Jack Johnson. Because I love him.
So I’ve been having strange dreams lately. The other night, I dreamed that I bought a case of diet coke (I quit drinking diet coke 6 months ago) and was drinking them one after another — chain drinking diet coke — in the car while I drove to my parents house. About 3 hours into the drive, I realized that I had driven in the wrong direction. And my parents house is only a 2 hour drive away. Then I woke up.
Last night I dreamed about eating mass quantities of junk food. I can’t really remember the details, but I remember it was disturbing.
I think it’s pretty common for people who are changing their behaviours to have these kinds of dreams. I’ve noticed from reading Belle’s blog about people giving up alcohol that they’ll frequently dream about drinking. So I think this is pretty normal.
It’s almost the end of January, and I have to say, this winter can’t come to an end fast enough. It’s been an almost non stop barrage of -25 degree nostril sticking together weather and tons of snow. With the occasional +3 degree day thrown in there just to give you hope, which then gets yanked away the next day. Nope, no half decent weather for you. That’s what you get for living in Canada. I’m happy I bought a real winter coat on boxing day.
Anyway, since the month is drawing to a close, I thought I’d review the list of things I think I need to do to feel good and see how those things are going. While I pretty pleased with how I’ve been making an ongoing commitment to putting myself first, some other things are perhaps not getting the focus I would like. So I’m going to start a regular check in on my behaviours, and a weekly focus on a specific one.
So here’s the check in.
- Good relationship with food. I’m happy with how I’ve been doing here. I’m eating without distractions 90% of the time, and I’m finding I really enjoy the foods I’ve been eating. I also think that maybe I’m coming to the point where I can reintroduce some of the foods I’ve eliminated for the last 4 weeks. In fact, I think that might have to, otherwise I believe a binge will be not far behind. The key here will be to choose really high quality foods. If I want cookies, I need to pick cookies I’m going to really enjoy (not ones from a bag) and make a production out of eating them, rather than scarfing them back in front of the pantry.
- Moving my body. Not exactly where I want to be here, but improving. I’ve been to the gym twice a week for the past few weeks, which is better than the last few months. The pain in my shoulder is still pretty severe, so I’m looking for options on that one.
- Having fun. I’ve had some fun, for sure (had a wonderful time with my friends at the Scrap & Yap on Saturday). But I think I need to focus on this one, so that’s where I’m going to put my energy this week. I want to make sure I do something fun every day, and acknowledge that.
- Moving towards the life I want for myself. I’m starting my coaching training. That’s where I want to go. Having faith that the rest will follow.
- Giving up things that don’t make me feel good. I certainly haven’t been tracking my food or exercise. I did step on the scale once, which was a good reminder of how the scale doesn’t help me feel good. And it’s an interesting choice I made, to get on the scale, because I didn’t weigh myself before I started making the dietary changes, specifically because I’m not making the changes to lose weight, so it was kind of a pointless exercise. All I can say is that I am 9 pounds lighter than the last time I weighed myself (in September). In theory, being 9 pounds lighter is good, and yet, it still didn’t make me happy. The scale invokes a feeling of “never enough” in me. So it definitely goes.
- Slowing down. Not bad, all things considered. I’m getting much better at calming myself, breathing and noticing. At staying here.
So for this week, I will focus on fun. Because fun will help everything be better. Today’s fun is in the form of self care. I am going for a massage. It is partly in the hopes that it will help address the constant headache like pain I have in my shoulder. But even if it doesn’t help my shoulder, it will still be a nice bit of fun, relaxing self care. And as I drive to the appointment, I shall sing loudly in my car.