A conversation with my kids (12 year old daughter, 11 year old son). This took place in the car while I was driving them to their karate class. It’s maybe a 5 minute drive.
Son: Mom, did you know that Halley’s comet is coming around again in 2061?
Me: Is it?
Son: Yes. But I guess you’ll be dead by then.
Son: Wait, no. You’d be 91. So you might still be alive.
Daughter: Yeah, you’ll be an ooooold grandmother.
Me: Well, maybe not. Maybe neither of you guys will have kids and I won’t be a grandmother at all, I’ll just be old.
Daughter: That makes you weird, not wanting to have kids.
Me: Well, not really. There are lots of people who don’t want to have kids. It doesn’t make you weird.
Son: What if you want to have kids but you don’t want to have sex?
Me: That makes you weird.
Son: Yeah, I guess it’s only weird if you want to have sex all the time.
Me: I want you to remember that you said that when you’re 16.
Me: Ask your dad.
Daughter: Can a gay man have sex with a person of the opposite gender?
Me: Well you guys are here, so I guess it’s happened at least twice. But it’s difficult.
Me: What did you learn in health class about how penises work?
Daughter: Ummm… the sperm comes out?
Me: Yeah, but before that.
Me: Did they mention how they get bigger and harder?
Son: That’s called a boner!
Me: Right. Okay. Well, men need to get a boner to have sex. And to get a boner, it helps to be attracted to the person you’re having sex with. So if you’re gay and trying to have sex with a woman, it might be hard to get a boner because gay men are attracted to other men, so that makes it harder for a gay man to have sex with a woman.
Daughter: Oh. I guess <brother> is too young to have had any boners yet.
Me: No, even babies get them. When he was 2 he spent a few days pulling down his pants and announcing to everyone that his penis was big.
Son: Yeah. Mom, I find the best way to get rid of a boner is not to touch it.
Me: Okay, well you do whatever works for you.
Thankfully, the car ride ended there.